That really has been the question on my mind for the last 2 months. Within 6 weeks I had surgery on both my kidneys to remove multiple large stones on each side. The pain has been unreal and I have a high tolerance to pain. I much prefer my last two natural childbirths over these kidney stones.
After labs came in it was discovered I have twice the amount of calcium I should have in my body, thus making the nasty-ugly-painful kidney-stones (and lack of blogging). My doctor believed it’s because my body is confused, thinking that it should be pregnant (because 2014 is the only year I HAVEN’T been pregnant since 2008) so it’s holding onto all this calcium meant for the next cute baby I’m suppose to be gestating. He recommended I stop taking my multivitamins and stop nursing and recheck levels and scan for more stones in a couple months to follow up. I agreed because the thought of having another surgery really almost gave me a panic attack right there.
I really thought that’s what was best and what needed to happen so I’ve been slowly weaning my son down to one feeding right before bed. It’s not really for nourishment but for comfort. Little man has been dealing with his own medical issues and it’s hard to watch him suffer in pain (will write about that later when we have more answers). I’ve also started a new full time job, requiring my little ones to be in daycare. With all of the the transitions for little man all at once, I just didn’t want to take away another thing from him.
Well tonight’s the first night I haven’t nursed him before bed. It’s been a whole day since my son has let me hold him. My heart feels like it’s tearing. Am I doing the right thing? Am I being selfish? Am I throwing in the towel and handing in my lactivist badge? Is this possibly hurting him? These silly hormones have me convinced my 16 month old is going to hate me and I’ve already screwed him up from this one decision.
I use to think (and still do) that breastfeeding is one of the most amazing and natural things we can do for our children when possible. I know it’s not possible for all mothers/parents/and situations and there should be no shame or judgement on any parent on how they choose to nourish their children by breast or formula. Then why am I being so harsh on myself? Why is this so difficult? Am I really doubting my decision or my doctor? What if 3 months from now I have followed his orders and I have more stones and need more surgery? What if I give up one of the few things that connect us all for nothing?
So should I keep our one feeding until he decides he’s done with our nursing relationship or should I just keep up with the weaning?
I’m very open to opinions and suggestions just please keep it civil, nasty rude comments WILL be deleted. Respect one another.